Willowless
by GaboonViper
Summary: How would things have gone without Willow? AU season 2
1. When she was bad

**Summary:**

How would things have gone without Willow? (AU season 2+)

**Spoilers:**

This fic is Alternate Universe from Season 2 so there will definately be spoilers for season 1 and season 2. There could be spoilers for other seasons as well once the story progresses.

**Rating:**

T-rating(13+)

If you're allowed to see the show, you should be allowed to read this. Violence and swearing are kept to the same levels as in the show or lower.

**Disclaimer:**

_'Disclaimer: a person who disclaims.'_

Well, that would be me.

**Author's notes:**

For now this is going to be a one-shot. I will probably continue this after I've finished my other fic. If there is enough demand it could be a lot sooner than that. So, if you like it: Review, and you might see more of it.

**Chapter 1: When she was bad**

Books and papers were strewn all over the floor, chairs were broken and the wooden table, that had born the weight of countless books on demons at times when the scoobies had to research another threat to humanity, lay on its side. A hand clasped the side of that table and a battered figure pulled himself from the ground.

Buffy quickly ran to the figure. The blonde vampire slayer had just returned from an attempt to rescue Cordelia Chase, Queen of the socially sound circle at Sunnydale High. The attempt was a failure as she hadn't be able to find any trace of Cordy, only a vampire that had posed as her.

"Xander! What happened?"

"Vampires. The ones you could handle yourself." He returned with more than a little venom.

"Where are the others?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know." Then he angrily added. "I don't know what your problem is, what your issues are, but as of now, I officially don't care. If you'd worked with us for five seconds, you could've stopped this."

"We, we just have to think. Where would they have taken them?" She said, turning around to avoid those accusing eyes.

"If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you." Even with the fear in his voice, it was clear that he meant it. And despite the fact that he had none of the strength or skill to pull it off, the threat scared her more than any vampire ever had.

------------

Hammer held high she looked at the object of her hatred: the Bones of the Master. The vampire that had started it all: The harvest, the prophecy, her death.

Not much more than a year ago she had been looking forward to Sunnydale. Moving to this town in the middle of nowhere was supposed to take her away from all the slaying. Merrick was dead, the vampires were slain; she had fulfilled her duty. She had been looking forward to a life where her biggest worry was once again going to be: her performance in the chearleader squad, not whether or not she was going to live through another night of demon hunting. She certainly hadn't expected worrying about what clothes she was going to wear tomorrow because the ones she had wanted to wear had been thrown away because they were covered in demon goo.

With a mighty swing she pounded the Master's skull into dust and quickly continued with the rest. She poured all her anger into it. Anger at the Master, the prophecy, her death. Anger at Giles for just giving up on her. Anger at herself for her stupidity, for giving up, for failing, for taking it out on her friends. Finally, when all that was left of the Master was white powder she broke down into Angel's comforting embrace.

When they got back with the others she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. Xander was clutching the bloodied body of his redheaded friend and crying. Buffy had never seen Xander cry before, not even when Jesse died. Ms.Calender, Giles and Cordelia were all watching the two best friends. Both women had tears dripping down their cheeks and Giles was polishing his glasses, his expression was unreadable.

A hollow feeling entered Buffy's chest as she started to realize what this meant. She had just begun to come to terms with the fact that she had died a few months ago, if only for a couple of minutes. And now, her best friend was dead... 

No this couldn't be happening. This was some mistake. They had been able to revive Buffy, they could revive Willow. Some CPR, a blood transfusion and she would be as good as new. The Slayer stepped forward to fix this whole mess, but one look from Xander stopped her. It was a look of pure hatred.

She couldn't deal with this. Not now. Willow and Xander had been her only friends in Sunnydale. The only real friends of her own age that she had ever had. Now Willow was dead and Xander hated her. She couldn't deal with this.

She turned and bolted for the exit.

------------

It was the fifth cemetery the slayer had checked out tonight, but she found nothing. No vampires, No Xander, a big zippo diddly squat nada. Since her rampage yesterday after Willow's death not a single demon had dared to show itself, which was frustrating, she really felt like taking her tormented feelings out on the first poor evil soul or unsouled creature that she came across. There was never an apocalypse when you were looking for one. Why did they only come when they were inconvenient?

_'Focus Buffy. Find Xander, that's what you came here to do. Not slay vampires.'_ She had been about to go on patrol when Giles called with the message that Xander had decided to try his hand at the slaying profession. She could understand his actions, considering she felt like pummeling a few demons herself. But then again Xander didn't have any super strength, speed or anything else super. He didn't even have any real fighting skills. It was a good thing demon activity was low tonight, she didn't want to lose the only friend she had left. Or at least the person she called a friend, but who hated her.

Suddenly her slayer-sense went ballistic and before Buffy realized it she had turned around and caught a wooden arrow out of the air before it imbedded itself in her shoulder. Seconds later something attacked her and she was thrown to the ground her attacker on top. Fortunately she managed to get her legs under the attacker and with a grunt she threw it off her. Her assailant landed a dozen feet away from her, but it didn't have a chance to recover before she straddled it, or rather him.

"Xander?" She asked, not only surprised by his appearance, but also by the fact that he had managed to sneak up on her. Even most vamps weren't able to do that.

"Hey Buff. You know, you could have just asked nicely that you wanted on top." He grinned

"Xander, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked sternly as she let him up.

"Well, what does it look like I'm doing here?" He countered as he wiped the dirt from his clothes.

She looked closely at him and saw the bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep, the grin on his face that looked completely out of place with everything else. Stakes and a cross were strapped to his belt.

"It looks like you're hunting vampires."

"Close, but no Cubans for you. Actually, I'm here to fulfill a promise I made."

"A promise?" she asked in confusion.

"You know, for all the super powers you have, a good memory isn't one of them. Let me give you a hint: _'If they hurt Willow,'_"

"_'I'll kill you.'_" She breathed and finally everything made sense.

Xander smiled wickedly.

"Congratulations, your memory beats that of a fish. I probably should have added: _'or die trying'_, because killing a slayer...not as easy as you'd think."

She backed away in disbelief. "You're...You're crazy."

Xander schrugged. "Maybe, I don't much care at the moment."

Suddenly a low voice interrupted their conversation. "She isn't responsible for Willow's death."

------------

The two of them turned towards the new arrival: Angel. The corpse Buffy was in love with. Xander had been jealous of the vampire once upon a time, but now the sight of Angel only filled him with disgust. He was a coward, brooding about his evil past, but doing nothing to make up for it. He did nothing to help Buffy, other than giving her some oh so helpful news of danger and some information most of which didn't even make sense anyway.

"Well, if it isn't deadboy. It's funny how he only comes to the rescue when it isn't really needed."

"She isn't responsible for Willow's death." the vampire repeated.

"She wasn't responsible for Jesse's death either. And yet, the one year she lives in Sunnydale, both of my friends die. Coincidence? I doubt it."

"Killing her Won't bring either one of them back."

Xander snorted. "This isn't about bringing them back, this is about pure and simple revenge. Besides, maybe her death will trigger a half competent Slayer. It'll save dozens of lives!"

Buffy interrupted them.

"You think I wanted this? That I wanted Willow or Jesse to die? That I wanted to burn down the school gym at Hemery? I lost all my friends in LA. I lost my dad. And now I've lost the best friend I've ever had! I've had to give up everything just because some guy up there decided to give me these stupid powers. Do you think I like this? Then you're dead wrong. So go ahead and kill me. I dare you. No better yet, I beg of you, because even hell's got to be better than this!"

"Buffy don't..."

"Stay out of this Angel! This is between me and Xander."

At the sight of Buffy's tears Xander was torn between giving his friend a comforting hug and killing her. It got him thinking, because those two actions were way too different. It couldn't be right to want to do both at the same time. Maybe he was going about it the wrong way. Buffy and Giles were the only two people he cared about. Killing Buffy wasn't going to make him feel any better. And it would accomplish nothing, especially now that it seemed to be the most merciful thing he could do to her. Letting her live, that would be torture for her, and he intended to stick around to see it.

Yeah. He was going to remind the slayer of Willow's death at every opportunity. He was going to smile at the doomed relationship Buffy had with soulboy and be there when it blew up so he could laugh about it in her face. His revenge was going to be fun and lasting and he wouldn't even need to do anything for it.

"You know what. I changed my mind. I'm going to be generous and let you live." He smiled at her and turned around to head home, ignoring the fact that his only friend had collapsed to her knees, her sobs echoing throughout the cemetery.


	2. Halloween Part 1

**Author's notes:**

Ok, so I guess it's not a one-shot. Thanks to everyone for the reviews and input, especially for Deamondeathstone who came up with the idea for Halloween.

**Chapter 2: Halloween Part 1**

He watched as she performed her balance practice. This time _with _quarterstaff to make things more difficult, or perhaps just to make it any challenge at all. She executed each move with a determination and perfection Giles had never even thought possible. Granted it had taken a months of hard training and two years of slaying experience for her to get this far, but still...

She had changed a lot. Of the obnoxiously cheerful girl who seemed to always be thinking two different thoughts at the same time was little evidence. She was focused and deadly. At any other time he would have welcomed it, but at the moment it merely worried him greatly. Because while she had gained focused, she had also become grim. Recent traumatic experiences had reduced her will to live and that was more dangerous than any dispassion for her slaying.

Even Xander hadn't taken Willow's death this hard. The first few weeks had been tough for the boy, but now he seemed like his old self most of the time. A bit quieter he supposed, but a lot better than the librarian had expected he ever would be.

That was another factor. Buffy had been avoiding Xander as if he was a leper. That in itself was, while socially unhealthy, understandable. She didn't want the only friend she had to die as well, so she tried to push him away. But there was something more to it. She wasn't just avoiding him, she was nervous and alert around him. As if any moment he would turn into a demon and attack her.

"Very good." the Watcher praised his Slayer as she finished her last move. "That's quite enough for tonight, Buffy."

"Are you sure? 'Cause I feel like doing another round. Maybe we can try swords this time?" She asked hopefully.

"I'm positive. You have proven yourself to be in excellent shape and you've earned some rest."

"Alright." She agreed, although reluctantly. "I'll just go for a quick patrol then."

With that the blonde girl took her jacket and left the library without so much as a single objection. No, she definately wasn't herself.

------------

"Buffy!"

She cringed at the sound of her name. It wasn't that she didn't like her name, although some people did have doubts about the sanity of her parents during the moment they had named her. It was the voice that had called for her, or more specifically the person behind the voice who gave her the shivers.

She had just left the school and was on her way to the first cemetary on todays patrol schedule, but then _he_ had to show up. She didn't want him with her on patrol, she wanted to be alone tonight, just for one single night. But he kept showing up every time.

She could hide from him if she wanted to. And she really wanted to, but she knew he'd go on patrol anyway. He didn't care that he had no superpowers or skills, so patrolling on his own pretty much equaled suicide. And eventhough Buffy didn't want to patrol with him, she didn't want him dead either.

"Xander." she returned, not bothering to hide her irritation from him. Irritation he happily ignored with that creepy smile on his face.

"So Buff, are you as excited about tomorrow as I am?"

The Slayer remained silent.

"Oh c'mon! It'll be Halloween, that's practically a Slayer holliday! I can't wait until show you my costume tomorrow. It's going to be great! So, what are you going to be dressed as?"

Maybe if she ignored him long enough he would eventually stop talking. Though past experiences made her doubt that possibility.

"You don't have a costume yet? Well, in my professional male opinion, spandex is the only way to go. I saw some nice ones at Ethan's..." At the lack of interest Buffy showed he added. "Or if you're looking for something less revealy you could always go for the old ghost..."

She looked at him worriedly as he trailed off. "Xander?" When he turned his gaze to her the sadness in his expression was almost palpable. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." he returned defensively.

"Don't be like that..."

"It's none of your business." he snapped before she could continue.

Buffy stopped for a moment, trying to decide if she wanted to pursue this. On the one hand, ever since Willow's death, her friendship with Xander was pretty much gone. Yes, he spent a lot of time with her, but it wasn't comfortable, it was very uncomfortable. He blamed her for Willow's death, and he wasn't exactly trying to hide it. On the other hand, this was the most human thing she had seen from him in months. Sure he acted normal around everyone else, but that was just an act. Whenever he was alone with Buffy, he was his true insane self.

"What, you're afraid of ghosts?" She asked sarcastically.

She wasn't dissapointed when she got his angry reaction. Goating him like this was the only way to truly reach him nowadays. "You want to know what this is about? Fine!"

"When we were 8, Willow and I went to a costume shop to figure out what we wanted our parents to buy for us for Halloween. She picked the ghost costume and I asked her why she didn't want to be Supergirl or Wonder woman or some other superheroine. Of course mostly it was because she never liked being the center of attention, when we played superheroes she always wanted to be the sidekick. But there was more to it than that. She told me ghosts couldn't die, she didn't want to die. So ever since then she dressed as a ghost on Halloween. And now, she's dead, her greatest fear has come to life."

"You're making this up!" Buffy realized in outrage. Xander just smiled cruelly. "I can't bring her back and I can't change what happened! What do you want from me! Why are you doing this?" She demanded desperately.

"I want you to suffer." He returned angrily.

As sudden as his anger had appeared it disappeared to make way for a smile. "So, what are you going to be dressed as tomorrow?"

"I'm not going to be dressed as anything." Buffy replied annoyed.

"Oh c'mon. You have the day off, you should dress up, have some fun! Hey, I know, you could dress up as a vampire. I'm sure Angel would like that." he smirked.

"I'm not going to dress up, I'm going to patrol."

Xander frowned. "Patrol? Giles said there was virtually no demon activity on Halloween. You're going to be completely bored."

"Maybe Giles is wrong. Whenever he says nothing's happening or going to happen, something usually happens."

"Well, you've got a point there. But, you'll have to go alone then. Some of us volunteered," He quoted the word _volunteered_ with his fingers. "for the Halloween safety program." He explained annoyed

Buffy smirked. At least she had managed to avoid Principal Snyder while he had been hunting for 'juvenile delinquents' to scare into safety program. She was sure that if Snyder so much had gotten a glimpse of her in the last few days, she would have had to go as well. Thank god for slayer-enhanced speed and sneaking skills. And on top of that she had a quiet Xanderless patrol to look forward to. Maybe Halloween wasn't going to be too bad after all.

------------

"Hey Giles, is Buffy around?"

"I'm afraid not, but she should be here at any moment." The librarian returned as he added a handful of books to the top shelf. When he was done he turned around and stumbled backwards at the sight before him, causing a dozen books to fall from the bookcase he had just been re-arranging.

"Good lord!" He exclaimed. He took of his glasses and started polishing them, hoping fervently that once he put them on again he'd find out his eyes had played tricks on him.

No such luck. Xander stood in the front of the library wearing a bright red wig, a sky blue shirt, a flower patterned knee-height skirt and sneakers. Between his hairy legs and the wrong red color for hair, the likeness was nearly non-existent, but his intention was clear: He had dressed up as Willow Rosenberg.

To say Giles's assessment of the boy's condition hadn't been quite on the mark was clearly an understatement.

To his dread this was the moment Buffy decided to show up.

"Giles,..." Was all she said before she noticed Xander.

"So Buffy, what do you think?" Xander smiled and gestured at his costume.

He saw the guilt and horror on the slayer's face as she kept staring openmouthed at the boy, unable to speak or remove her gaze. A few moments later she ran away in misery leaving a gleeful Xander in her wake.

When Giles was finally able to think clearly again he went after her, but as he passed the boy he stopped for a moment to glare at him in anger. "I understand your grievance over your friend's passing, but if you ever pull a stunt like this again I will personally feed you to a vampire. Are we clear?"

Xander swallowed uneasily and that was enough for Giles at the moment. Right now he needed to find his charge and comfort her.

------------

He found her in one of the school halls, heartbrokenly huddled up against the wall and clutching her legs. Giles sat himself next to her, contemplating what he could possibly say to make her feel better. Comforting a devastated teenage girl wasn't among the courses his watcher training had consisted of.

Finally it was Buffy who started. "He's doing things like this all the time, Giles." she said between tears. "Maybe not exactly like this... but he keeps reminding me of her death." She looked at him in desparation, hoping he had some solution to her pain. He hadn't. "I..I just can't take it any more."

He put an arm around her and pulled her against him, for once not caring about keeping the relationship with his slayer purely professional. He understood the reason behind the rules the Council had set regarding emotional bonds between the slayer and others. Emotional slayers were unstable and could be exploited by evil more easily at times. However, they didn't take into account a slayer who was used to having those emotional bonds, who relied on them.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he rocked her gently. "I'm sorry."

And he was sorry. Sorry for not comforting her like this before. Sorry for not noticing Xander's condition. He was certainly going to set that boy straight. One thing Buffy didn't need was someone fueling the vast amounts of guilt she already felt towards the death of her friend.

------------

Somewhere on the streets of Sunnydale a girl woke up. Confused by the location and the decorations, and even more confused and frightened by the little monsters wreaking havoc everywhere.

She stood up and looked around. "Buffy? Xander?" She called out, though not loud enough to attract too much attention. At the lack of reaction she got nervous and started to look for a safe place to hide and plot a course towards either Buffy's house or the Sunnydale High Library whichever was closer.

_To be continued._

**Authors notes:**

Since this story was originally written as a one shot, I don't have a plot outline at all. So I'm looking for ideas on how to continue this. If you have any, feel free to toss them around, preferably in a private message so as not to spoil it for the rest of the readers.

I'm particularly looking for ideas on the following subjects:

- The Judge

- Acathla

- Oz

- Faith

Of course, any idea, regardless of whether it's related to the mentioned subjects, is welcome.


	3. Halloween Part 2

**Chapter 3: Halloween Part 2**

Xander grinned as he lead his army towards their next target: Laguna street 352. Their mission: to relieve the owners of the house of as much candy as possible. He almost regretted his choice of costume. The soldier fatigues would have been more fitting in his current position as leader. A leader of a bunch of loud, uncontrollable, snot-nosed terrors, but a leader nonetheless. Not to mention that, with the soldier fatigues he had, the gun at Ethan's would have been cheaper, but the flash of red hair had been irresistible.

He didn't regret buying the wig at all. Ever since he had dressed up as Willow, he felt her presence. It was as if she was somewhere near, somewhere around the corner, but just out of his reach, and every second she got closer. Right now she seemed to be almost on top of him. He looked around for a moment, but he still couldn't see her anywhere. It didn't matter, just feeling of her presence was pretty cool, in a creepy way.

And Buffy's reaction when she saw his costume was a big bonus on top of it all. Her expression had been priceless! Giles had been less appreciative though, Xander would have to be more careful around Buffy's mentor in the future. It wasn't that he expected the librarian to actually carry out his threat, but if Buffy had the support of Giles, torturing her wouldn't be as fun.

Sometimes though, or actually most of the time, Xander just couldn't stand the other two scoobies. He hated the way they kept trying to avoid the subject of Willow. He hated the way Buffy flinched every time he said the redhead's name out loud. He hated the way Giles acted like Willow had never even existed. It was like she meant nothing to either of them!

Talking about the only person who had ever truly cared about Xander was taboo! But hey, he was never cared much for following rules, and the only one who could convince him of their worth was gone.

Xander watched as his troops rang the doorbell, shouting out "Trick or treat!" as someone opened the door. He smiled as he remembered him, Willow and Jessie doing the same thing years ago, Willow dressed as a ghost and he and Jessie like turtles, ninja's or whatever was considered cool at the time. They would have been too old for that now, though he had no doubts that Willow would have dressed up again as a ghost this year, that was just the way his quirky Willow was.

"Oh my! Aren't you a scary bunch." the old lady who had answered the door exclaimed in what was possibly the fakest fearful voice he'd ever heard.

Suddenly a shiver ran through him. He looked around for any sign of what caused it. He had felt that kind of shiver before and it usually meant something bad was about to happen. He couldn't find anything until he turned back to the costumed kids he was babysitting. A couple of them were growling and attacking the old lady, the rest of the kids scattered in terror. Then he noticed that the kids who were attacking had turned into actual mini-monsters!

He had no idea what was going on but he decided to try to get the attention of the monsters, hoping they would let the lady go, but before he could so much as utter one syllable he started feeling dizzy and soon he fell unconcious to the ground.

------------

Willow woke up on a surface that definitely didn't feel like her bed. In fact, it didn't feel like any bed she had ever seen, unless she counted those concrete prison beds she had once seen on a documentary on the TV. She heard screams of panic all around her, most of them sounding like they came from little kids.

Quickly she stood up and looked around prepared to defend herself if necessary, and even more prepared to run and hide. What she wasn't prepared for is what she actually saw: Children running and screaming from monsters that weren't much bigger than the children themselves. That was weird, even by the standards of the hellmouth.

Just as weird were the decorations she saw all around her. Halloween decorations! Halloween was still months away, why would people decorate their houses today? Come to think of it, what day was today? She couldn't remember. Buffy would know what was going on. Or actually Giles would know and would have told Buffy.

"Buffy?" She called out, though not loud enough to attract too much attention. When no-one answered, she got nervous, well... more nervous than she already was.

"Xander?" She continued and started looking around for a hiding place, but her best friend didn't answer either.

Plan B: hide, try to find Buffy and find a way to the Sunnydale High library.

------------

Buffy was shuffling through one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. Giles had been right, Halloween was a demonic Holliday. There had been no activity from the forces of evil at all. no vampire fledglings, no grave robbers, not even a single shifty looking raccoon.

This was even worse than patrolling with Xander. Of course with him there was the added guilt-factor, but right now she still felt the guilt, even though Xander wasn't here with his implied accusations. At least if Xander was here she had someone to be mad at, someone who she could talk to about meaningless stuff, just to avoid the burning silence.

She couldn't believe he had dressed up like Willow. Buffy had known for a while that Xander had lost it, but dressing up like that was crazier than she could imagine! What kind of sick soul would dress up as his recently deceased best friend?

"Buffy!"

The Slayer turned around and looked straight at the girl who had called her name. No! This couldn't be!

"Buffy! I'm so glad I found you! There's all these crazy mini-demons running around and everything is not making much sense with small children fighting against the demons and the Halloween decorations and I couldn't find you or Xander and when did it become Halloween?"

Buffy stared at the figure of her former best friend and something snapped within her. Willow was gone. She wouldn't be coming back. Whatever this was, it wasn't Willow. No walking maggot buffet imitated Buffy's friends!

She shot into action and swept the legs from under the thing that was impersonating Willow. With a thud the creature fell on its back onto the grass and Buffy was on it, one hand on its throat the other clutching a stake, ready to dust her if she tried anything.

"What are you!" She snarled at the redhead.

"I...I'm me...Willow." The creature answered with panic in its eyes. "Wha-what else would I be?"

"And I'm Elvis Presley! Oh wait, I'm not. Let's try again: what are you?"

It was then that she noticed the silver cross neckless wasn't repelling Willow. She wasn't a vampire, that was for sure. Besides, Giles had checked for bite marks after Willow's death, just to be sure. There were none, so she couldn't have been a vampire at all. But there were more than just vampires around, although she hadn't heard or read about anything that could impersonate a human so well, during any of their late night demon research sessions.

"Buffy... Please! I...I can't...breath." Willow panted and Buffy noticed that she had tightened her grip on the redhead's throat in anger. She quickly loosened her hold and realized her stake-hand was trembling.

"Willow?" She asked carefull, hopefull, but prepared to be disappointed.

Willow nodded and after a moment's hesitation Buffy got of her and helped her up, following it with a fierce and teary hug. Most of her reservations gone, noone could possibly act so much like Willow. She was one of a kind.

"Buffy...Oxygen!" Willow breathed and Buffy reluctantly let go of her best friend. Willow looked pretty confused, scared and somehow curious. "Did you shrink?" She asked.

Buffy looked at her. What was more she looked up to her, litterally. Where as previously Willow was only slightly taller than Buffy, now she was beating the Slayer's height by at least 6 inches.

"Or you're taller," Buffy responded defensively. She didn't like being called short.

Willow looked down at herself. "Oh, of course. People don't generally schrink until they're old and wrinkly." She then looked at Buffy in horror and quickly corrected. "Not that you're old! Or wrinkly. You're young... and very unwrinkly. You're completely-frictionless-Buffy. I mean..."

"It's good to know that I'm...frictionless." Buffy interrupted Willow's babble with amusement, causing the redhead to blush.

"Maybe I had a growth spurt." Willow said absently as she looked back down at herself. "And I don't remember these clothes. Why am I wearing someone else's clothes?" She looked back at the Slayer. "Buffy, what's going on?"

The simple question froze her. What was she supposed to tell? 'Well hey, you died a couple of months ago and I was practically the one who killed you.' didn't seem like the best way to break it to her friend. Then there was the part where she herself didn't understand how Willow could be alive right now. Was she even alive? Maybe she was a ghost... a very solid and untransparent ghost. Or this was some kind of dream, but that seemed unlikely. The only dreams Buffy had had about Willow were nightmares, horrifying nightmares most consisting of a zombie-Willow accusing the slayer of killing her and trying to return the favor.

But she wasn't responsible for Willow's death. Giles had told her that plenty of times. Yes, she had made a mistake, but the vampires were the ones who had killed Willow. So why did it feel otherwise? She could blame the guilt on Xander, but the truth was, she didn't need Xander's accusations to feel guilty. Tonight had proven that.

"Buffy?" Willow asked in concern.

The Slayer realized her thoughts had wandered off and had to take a moment to remember Willow's question.

"I...I don't know." She said avoiding the question Willow had really meant, namely 'why had she reacted to Willow's appearance the way she had?'. "Let's go to the library, maybe Giles has some ideas."

------------

Willow and Buffy ran into the library, relieved they had finally reached it. Monsters were everywhere, children dressed up as superheroes fighting them and real demons making use of the chaos. The closer they came to the school, the more chaos.

"Giles!"

The startled librarian threw the stack of catalogue cards he had been holding in the air, nullifying hours of sorting them. "Dear lord! Willow?" He asked in disbelief as he stared at her.

Before Willow could reply, Buffy interrupted. "Giles, everyone turned into their Halloween costumes!" She pointedly looked at Willow and the redhead was getting uncomfortable, again.

When she and Buffy were on their way to the school, they figured out why there were all kinds of mini-monsters running around and why little kids were fighting them. There was even a kid-sized Pikachu throwing lightning at a couple of small devil-like creatures. But as soon as they found out that everyone had turned into their costumes, Buffy had started looking at her funny. Well, less funny and more horrific and even a little fearful. Just the way Giles was looking at her right now.

Unconsciously Willow started backing away. She never really liked being the center of attention. Except when it was of the good kind. Like when she got an A for a test, she liked getting praise from her parents and the fond look Xander always gave her.

Which was another thing. When Willow asked Buffy about Xander, the Slayer got all guilty and avoidy. Both she and Giles were definitely hiding something. Something that had to do with Xander, and possibly with his costume, because that was the part that Buffy seemed to be really avoidy about.

"Giles!" At the sound of his name, the librarian snapped out of his stupor and blinked.

"Oh...yes...right, costumes... came alive...I'll go and research." He muttered as he turned around towards the occult section, he had already reached for a piece of cloth no doubt to wipe some non-existent blurry spot from his eyeglasses.

"We need to talk." Buffy stated and she practically dragged Willow to Giles's office.

------------

Willow was impatiently and nervously waiting for Buffy to explain. The Slayer was in turn pacing around the office and seemed to be on the brink of nervous breakdown. Suddenly Buffy stopped, opened her mouth and closed it again without any sound coming out of it, except the sound of her teeth clacking together.

Finally, Willow couldn't take it anymore. "Buffy, just tell me what's going on! Why aren't we out there looking for Xander? What if something happened to him! What if one of the monsters got him? What if he is fighting monsters on the street and he gets hit by a truck!"

"We already know where he is."

"What?...How?...Where?"

"Willow, you are Xander! Xander turned into his costume. He was dressed as you!" Buffy told her in frustration.

But the answer made no sense. "Why would he be dressed as me, did he lose a bet? And why don't I remember anything from the last few months?"

"Because you're dead!" Buffy screamed in desperation.

Willow to become dead silent as she was finally starting to comprehend the situation. For a moment she thought, or rather hoped that this was all one elaborate joke. But Buffy wasn't anywhere near this good an actor, or would partake in this kind of joke...unless she was possessed, which didn't seem to be the case.

Willow was dead and the only reason she was alive for the moment was because Xander had somehow turned into her.

Numbly she slumped down in the nearest chair. "When?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

She thought for a moment, which wasn't easy with all this new information attacking her brain.  
"I remember you telling us the bones of the Master were gone. We researched it and then you went to find Cordelia and then...well just some more research. I don't remember much else, except waking up on the streets a few hours ago."

"They were after you, Giles, Cordelia and miss Calender. They needed your blood. The ritual had already started and you were the first they..."

"What about Cordelia and Miss Calender?"

"We saved them."

"Good."

"Cordy died a week later when a psycho cut her head off to create girl for his zombie brother."

"Oh." Willow returned sadly. Cordelia used to be the bane of her existence, but she didn't deserve to die. "What about you? Are you okay?" She asked Buffy.

The way Buffy looked back at her didn't predict anything good. "No, I'm not okay Willow." the slayer returned with teary eyes. "The best friend I've ever had is gone, and Xander...he hates me."

"That's ridiculous, Xander doesn't hate you!"

"He tried to kill me, Willow!"

"Are you sure? Maybe it wasn't Xander, maybe he was possessed, you know, like that time with the hyenas."

"He thinks I'm responsible for your death. And yes, if I hadn't gone to rescue Cordelia, maybe...maybe I could have prevented you guys from getting captured, but what was I supposed to do? Just wait and risk the life of an innocent? I made a choice and now suddenly everything is my fault!" Buffy kept on ranting, ignoring Willow's question. "Every time I see him he has to remind me about you! He goes on patrols with me, no matter what I say to try to get him to stay home. He endangers his own life everyday even more than before! I can't always be there to protect him." She turned back to Willow who was patiently waiting for her to finish. "I need you to tell him to stop it."

Willow frowned. "Me? But how? Xander won't be here until the spell ends and...you know...I'm gone."

"Write a note or something." Buffy returned in frustration. "I can't save the world and baby-sit him at the same time."

Willow looked back uncertainly. She didn't like the way Xander seemed to be treating Buffy and she didn't want him to endanger his own life. But there was a part of her that admired his courage  
when it came to helping Buffy with the slaying. Willow did her share of helping, but only of the non-fighting variety. When there was fighting she tended to hide. Xander fought and well...he usually got beaten, but sometimes it helped. He had saved Buffy's life after all.

"I...I don't know." she said quietly. At the sight of the Slayer's frown she quickly continued. "Buffy, I-I can't just tell him what to do. I mean, I can tell him in a note, but he's always been pretty stubborn. It takes time to convince him and a note certainly won't do it." Then she added softly. "And I'm not sure he shouldn't."

"Didn't you hear what I said? He's not helping, he's only making my job more difficult! And he's endangering his own life! He dressed up as you! He's insane! Do you want him to die?" She stopped in realization. "Of course you do! Because then you can be with him. Then you two can walk together under the moonlight in the clouds of heaven. It's the perfect afterlife romance!"

It took a moment before the accusation hit Willow. She looked at her best female friend in shock. How could Buffy even think that she wanted Xander dead? Willow loved him. He was her shining knight in armor. A clumsy knight, and not particularly muscly like in the movies, but he had been her protector for most of her life. No one picked on Willow if he was around, maybe they called her names, but with Xander they didn't mean anything. She didn't want him dead, not even for herself. She wanted him to be happy and lead a great life, even if that meant she would have to wait for him a few decades in paradise, which didn't really sound bad now that she thought about it, then she would. Maybe Willow had been selfish at times, but not that selfish.

"Maybe you're the one who's insane." She told Buffy. And she stood up, at least she tried to but she was having a little trouble getting out of her slumped position. Finally she managed to get up and gave Buffy her best stern look before leaving the office. For a moment she considered slamming the door, but then she remembered it was Giles's door and he wouldn't like that, so instead she carefully shut it.

_To be continued._

**Authors notes:**

Thanks for all the reviews and suggestions guys! I never expected this much of a response.  
I do have some rough idea on what I'm going to write after Halloween, but I think most of it will be decided once I'm actually working on it. I'm not 100 set for anything yet, so if you got some ideas you'd like to see, feel free to send a private message. A lot of the ideas I've received have already influenced the story even if it's only a little bit.

Next up: The final part of the Halloween episode. Will Willow stay mad at Buffy? What are the effects on Xander? What will Ripper do to Xander? Will Angel ever play a real role in this story?  
I really have no idea, but you might find out in the next chapter. 


	4. Halloween Part 3

Okay so here it is, only slightly late, the last Halloween part.

Cheers.

**Chapter 4: Halloween Part 3**

Buffy was staring at her book on demonic possesions. At least she thought it was about possessions because it was on the research pile and they were researching a mass-possession or something. She had read a few words, sentences even, but the meaning of them had evaded her grey mass with slayer-enhanced dodging skills.

Every so often she looked at her redheaded friend. Her recently resurected and soon to be unresurected friend. She wasn't sure which part was worse; the resurecting or the unresurecting, but even that wasn't what occupied her mind right now. Willow's last words were still echoing in her head. 'Maybe you're the one who is insane.'

Sure Xander had dressed up as his dead best friend, but what had Buffy herself done since Willow's death? She had slayed vampires and demons. She had trained her slaying skills until she was too tired to do any training at all. When she hadn't been doing anything she only thought about slaying tactics or when she dropped her guard about how she had failed Willow. She hadn't shopped in months. And even her hair was drawn back in a boring ponytale, just so it wouldn't get in the way whenever she was on patrol. Oh yeah, and she had snapped at her best friend.

Snapped...wasn't that the understatement of the century? There was a line between things you could say to your best friend and things you couldn't. And Buffy had stept over that line, ran to the airport, flown to Cape Canaveral and taken the first space shuttle to Mars. That's how far she had crossed that line when she accused Willow of wanting Xander dead.

After another useless glance at the book she was supposed to be reading she put it back on the research pile and stood up.

"I have to...check out a cemetery I forgot...on patrol." She explained under the questioning looks of Giles and Willow and left before they had a chance to realize how lame that excuse was.

--

"Willow. Could we perhaps talk for a moment?" Giles asked only a few minutes after Buffy's retreat to slaying.

"Sure." Willow returned uneasily.

Giles watched the young and more than a little nervous computer-expert shifting in her seat. Suddenly he was at loss as to what to say to her. Moments ago he had felt the urge to yell at her for piling even more weight on the shoulders of his strong, but wavering charge. It was one of those urges that he had long since learned to control, but that never really went away.

He reminded himself that of the four of them, Willow was perhaps the most innocent. Her curiosity and spirit had kept the group together and had often been an inspiration to them all. It was little wonder that her absense had torn the rest of the group apart. Accusing her of anything, would do little more than further those rifts.

"I am worried about Buffy." he finally started diplomatically. "She hasn't taken your...passing...very well. And this veto between you two, whoever's fault it might be, will increase the pressure for her.

I do hope this incident is rectified before this is over."

"I know, I'm sorry, I..I didn't mean to say what I said, it's just...She's so different. I mean I know it's been two months, but to me it was just yesterday and now suddenly nothing makes any sense."

Giles watched as the young redhead struggled to keep herself together and realized she had to cope with her own death as well as everything else that was happening right now. Once again he felt completely powerless.

"I just wish Xander was here." Willow added in a sigh. Giles took off his glasses and nodded even though he didn't share the sentiment.

--

Buffy was walking around trying to forget what had happened. She had long ago abandoned the hope that everything was just a nightmare, so these days she was working on selective the memory loss that seemed to come so easy for most people living near the hellmouth. Unfortunately it wasn't working very well. While regular Sunnydalers had no problem forgetting things like vampire massacres, all she had managed forget was the genders of French words, and why they had genders anyway.

"Buffy." She heard suddenly and turned around quickly ready to kill whatever had been able to sneak up on her.

She relaxed and sighed in relief at the sight of her tall, dark and handsome boyfriend and then threw herself crying into his arms. Angel was her escape these days. For some reason Xander never seemed around when he was. Angel's very presence just seemed to make all bad things go away.

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

She looked up at him but she couldn't bring herself to talk. She didn't want to tell him what was going on. She never told him about the things Xander did, because she was afraid he would do something to her friend. And if she told Angel about Willow, she would have to explain about Xander.

"It's Xander, isn't it?" He growled. If Angel and Xander's rivalry had been bad in the past, it was a lot worse these days. She didn't even understand what they were rivalling about. Xander obivously had no interest in her anymore, other than driving her insane that is. And Angel, well she could understand Angel, he was just trying to protect her. Protection she didn't deserve.

Suddenly it was like a lightbulb went on. She was running away. It was something she always did when things got rough. She spend last summer in Los Angeles to get away from the Slaying and everything that had happened with the Master. It was the worst summer she had ever had. This time she was running away from Willow, but she knew Willow wouldn't be around for long. Once whatever magic had brought her best friend back alive was broken, she'd have no chance to make thing up with her.

"No, it's me." with that she removed herself from his embrace and went back to the school. "I have to talk to Willow."

Angel quickly followed her with a frown. "Willow?"

--

Buffy burst into the library, quickly spotting her target.

"Willow, I'm sorry I shouldn't have..." she started appoligizing to the redhead, but was interupted.

"It's okay Buffy. I understand. I mean, not understand, cause I'm not a Slayer and I never really lost me, but well...you're all stressed and stuff."

Buffy shifted uneasily. "But I..."

"didn't really mean it, did you?"

"well..." she looked down guiltily.

"But you don't mean it now, do you?"

"No! I just want to..."

"Then I accept your apology."

Buffy stood there stunned, and not quite sure what had just happened.

"Was I the one who apoligized, or you?" She asked finally.

"I think it was a little bit of both." Willow returned sheepishly.

--

"So..." Angel started uncomfortably as he and Giles watched the girls talk. "Willow's alive?"

"I'm afraid it's temporary." The Watcher returned, while he skimmed through another old book.

"Are you sure she isn't a demon?"

Instead of answering, Giles dropped a pile of heavy books in the hands of the vampire.

--

"He has every right to make my life miserable, I deserve it."

"No you don't. You made a mistake Buffy, we all make them sometimes. But that doesn't mean my ...death is your responsibility. We make mistakes to learn from it. Learn from it Buffy, but stop beating yourself up."

When Willow saw Buffy still in doubt she decided to put on her best 'serious'-face and added. "That's an order."

Slowly the Slayer's guilt-ridden expression was cracking, until finally she burst out laughing as if she had never laughed before. Soon Willow found herself swept up in the embrace of a half crying, half laughing Buffy.

"I missed you." the blonde told her between tears. Willow gently patted Buffy's back, once again wondering why everyone always laughed whenever she tried to be serious.

--

Buffy and Willow talked for a while longer. Mostly gossips about school, but also a little bit about their current predicament. Finally Giles dragged them towards the books, forcing them into research.

After hours of staring at books, a most beautiful sound echoed through the library.

"Of course, Janus!" The british librarian exclaimed.

Angel, Buffy and Willow looked up at Giles, all hoping that their seemingly endless hours of research were over. Buffy was somewhat comforted by the fact that even 'bookworm Willow', as some of the meaner kids used to call the redhead, was fazed by the long research hours.

"Yankees?" Buffy asked a now cringing Giles. "I was never a fan, but to think they would stoop this low." She shook her head. "I'm shocked!"

Her watcher decided to ignore the comment and explained. "Janus is the Roman god of change and caretaker of doorways." He continued before Buffy could make a joke about Janitors. "In supernatural circles he's recognized as one of the more powerful chaos gods. Like most gods he cannot directly interfere on our plane of existence, but he does have influence through his worshippers."

"That's all great, but how does that help us?"

"You indicated that heroes as well as monsters and villains have been awoken. Whoever did this, intended to cause chaos, not to spread evil."

Buffy looked at him in confusion and repeated: "How does that help us?"

"Well, this book contains a chaos spell that allows chaos worshippers to hex objects so they come to life with the power of Janus. I imagine a few adaptions to the spell could result into the chaos we have outside."

"Why didn't you just say so? Let's go find those yankee worshippers!"

--

"Buffy, can we talk for a moment." Willow asked while Giles was busy searching for the incantation and ingredients for the locator spell.

Buffy nodded and they went in Giles's office.

"We seem to be spending a lot of time in this room lately." She remarked.

Willow nodded. "Buffy. I'm going to do what you asked me to do. Well, sort of. I'll tell Xander to be more careful, and to leave most of the slaying to you. But I need you to promise me something."

"Of course, anything."

"I need you to be his friend." The slayer was about to interupt, but was silenced by a single look from the redhead. "I need you be his friend, because he has noone else...He blames himself, Buffy. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he does. I remember a little of what happened that day now. He tried to save us, save me. I remember little bits of him fighting. I'd never seen him like that. There were at least ten vampires, but he kept going until... until I thought he was... I thought they had killed him."

"Then why does he keep trying to remind me of how I failed you?"

"Because... because..." Willow looked a little worried and guilty.

"Well, what is it?"

"Don't take this the wrong way Buffy. I know it's not your fault, but sometimes...sometimes I wish you hadn't come here to Sunnydale. It's not because I don't like you, because I do. It's just... demons, vampires, they weren't real until you got here. Before they were just fairytails, that couldn't possible true, cause hey, physics! I sometimes wonder if they would have been just that if you hadn't come. And I know he does too." at Buffy's guilty expression she continues. "But it isn't true Buffy. If you weren't here we probably would be dead by now, or worse, vampires."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. When I think about it, weird things have always happened in Sunnydale. I remember reading about gangs, gasleaks, wild dog attacks, and other stuff in the newspaper; stuff that could definitely have been supernatural. I know it was there before. But there's a difference between knowing and really knowing, you know?"

"So you're saying he doesn't blame me for what happened, but he blames me for everything." Buffy asked incredulously.

"Yes. No! I mean, sort of. He feels responsible and he's trying to make it right. And somehow he has convinced himself that making you miserable is the way to do it."

"Because without me this wouldn't have happened."

"Yes. Without you something else would have happened. Something worse, but he doesn't see that."

"How do you even know that."

"Because I know him. I know him better than I know me. And maybe a little because technically I currently am him. Be his friend Buffy. I want him to be happy, and I want you to be happy. Tell him it's not his fault. Tell him...tell him that I love him."

"I will." The blonde returned tearfully.

"And Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too."

Buffy smiled sadly. "But not as much as you love him."

--

Once they located the source of the spell everything went quickly. The chaos worshipper turned out to be Ethan, the costume shop owner. Oh, and Giles beat him to a bloody pulp.

When the vase dropped, Willow changed back to Xander. True to her word Buffy quickly got to Xander's side. He looked at her strangely confused.

"It's not your fault." She said to him, but the words didn't seem to get through him. Instead his eyes just glazes a bit.

"You can't fight ten vampires, Xander." Buffy tried.

It took a moment before Xander answered her. "I killed him." was all he said.

It didn't make any sense, it seemed like he wasn't even talking to her.

"Who?" Buffy asked.

"Stop it!" He snarled as he clutched his head.

"Stop what?" But she got no response. Instead he just started writhing and murmering things. "Xander." she added without result.

She grabbed him and shook him carefully. "Xander, are you okay?" But it was as if she wasn't even there.

Then suddenly his eyes went wide and his body silent. He gazed right through her and smiled momentarily. Not the creepy smile she was getting used to, but a peaceful one. Finally he lost conciousness.

--

**Author's notes:**

Darn this was a hard chapter to write. So many conflicting views and all have to be somewhat believable. Part of it ended up like a bunch of flashes because I had trouble finding a way to string them together. Eventually I started to like the flashes, so I left it this way.

You may have noticed that I glossed over a lot of the canon stuff. I can't be bothered to look up what they all said in canon, and personally I can't stand reading fan-fiction that reads like it's pretty much the TV-series with only a couple of changes. I hope that didn't confuse the heck out of you all.

I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this. I loved writing it, but I hate these writer's blocks I keep having. If the story ends, there will at least be a prologue which I have written mostly already. It will be announced in there.


	5. Halloween Aftermath

**Chapter 5: Halloween Aftermath**

The sword swung around in wide arcs and sliced without effort three times through the wooden vampire stand in. For a moment it seemed like they had been near misses, but soon the dummy fell apart into four pieces.

"Whoops." Buffy, in mock shock, put her hand in front of her mouth. "Look like I just destroyed my abstract opponent. I guess here endeth the lesson for today."

"There are more in my office." Giles corrected, earning him a very potent pout from his Slayer.

"But Giles, we've been training for over…" She looked at her watch "… 15 minutes." Then she frowned as she looked back at the watch again. She ticked on it and put it next to her ear to make sure it was still working.

"Besides," She added when it appeared her watch was working just fine. "I think I need to check up on Xander. He seemed a little…worn out last night."

Giles sighed in annoyance, but he was in fact glad to hear the note of worry in her voice. Despite everything that happened yesterday, or maybe because of it, she seemed much livelier now.

"Very well, I suppose recent events have earned you a bit of leniency." He agreed.

Buffy smiled brightly at that. "Thanks Giles, you're the best!"

* * *

He was sitting on the wooden bench in front of his house when Buffy got there. Apparently waiting for her.

"Buffy, hey." He looked up, but only for a moment before he turned back to staring at the lawn.

"Hey." She returned and sat down next to him.

"So…"

"So…"

"What brings you to this neck of the woods?" Xander finally started.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to join me on patrol."

Xander snorted. "Right, cause you're always so eager for me to join." At Buffy's hurt expression he softened. "Sorry…I just… force of habit."

"No, **I'm** sorry. I should let you help. I just don't want to see you hurt."

"It doesn't really matter what we want, does it?" Xander asked. "Neither of us wanted Willow gone."

"I don't want you gone either, and I also don't want to lose your friendship."

Xander lowered his eyes. "It's kinda too late for that."

Buffy stared at him open-mouthed. "I know we have had some problems lately, but we'll get past that eventually."

Xander shook his head. "There is no past this, Buffy."

"There isn't. You're not even going to try?" She asked him accusingly.

"Look, " Xander started. "It's not about what happened. Well, it is, but it's not."

He paused for a moment staring at the floor. When he looked up at her, the regret in his eyes seemed so alien after the maniacal smile she used to get from him these past few months.

"I get it now. I get why you did all of it. Why you tried to shut me out. Why you went to rescue Cordelia when you knew it was a trap. You got this whole hero thing going on, trying to rescue everyone, and that's great."

He paused again.

"But...?"

"But I'm not like that. I'm not a hero, Buffy. I don't want to save the world. I just want revenge. Revenge for Willow and Jessie."

"You saved me. You helped me save the world, risking your own life in the process. That sounds pretty heroic to me."

Xander seemed to blush a little at that. "That was the old Xander. I've changed now."

"That doesn't mean we can't be friends."

Xander sighed, and suddenly hatred appeared in his eyes.

"You **chose** the most obvious trap ever made, over Willow. I get why you did it. I might even be able to forgive you someday. But what about the next time? What choice will end my life, or Giles's."

"That's not fair. All I want is for you guys to be safe." Buffy returned defensively.

"Yeah, but just being near you will get us killed. It's not fair, but that's the way it is."

Buffy wanted to reply, but she couldn't find the words. She couldn't find her voice either. Instead tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"So this is it?" She asked him. A week before she would have welcomed Xander's intention to end their friendship. But now that he finally seemed to become human again instead of some insane sociopath, it was the last thing she wanted. Especially since she promised Willow she wouldn't.

Xander nodded.

Buffy tried to find something in his eyes. Regret, remorse, grim determination, or even pity, but despite all the emotions he had shown moments earlier, she saw nothing now.

"Okay, then I'll leave you alone." She wanted to be angry at him, but she didn't seemed to have the energy. Instead she felt the loss of another friend.

"Goodbye Xander."

* * *

{You were harsh.} She chided.

"I had to be." He answered, but the chiding continued silently. "'I don't wanna be your friend' doesn't really work without some harshness. You gotta boil an egg before you break it."

{Don't lie to me, it won't work. You're still angry with her. ... And I don't think that's a real saying.}

"Why shouldn't I be? She killed you!"

{You know that's not true. She is like all of us, a slave to circumstance. She can't help what she did, or who she was. Just as you can't help who you have become. But I can. I can help you. I can fix you.} The voice softened. {For you to be this broken... I didn't know I meant so much to you.}

"Well hey, I did share with you my Hershey chocolate bar. That should've been a clue."

She smiled. {I guess it should've been.}

{Change will take time though. We'll start with your grades.}

"Oh no! I sense lot's of homework in the near future." He said with only half real disappointment. "Why must you torment me? I thought you loved me!"

{More than you'll ever know, which considering I'm technically in your head might be a paradox.}

"A parawhat?"

{We'll start with English.}

"Why do I have to know this stuff, when you can just tell me?"

{Because you are what you know.}

"Who's making up sayings now?" He remarked.

{We don't know what this is, or if it will stay like this. So, we have to prepare.}

"She'll figure it out eventually, you know."

{That doesn't matter. We just need some time to work this out.}

* * *

**Two years later.**

He hadn't been looking for trouble, it always somehow seemed to find him. This time he had been on the way back from work when he saw this woman being followed by a couple of darkly dressed guys. By now he knew the dark side of Sunnydale well enough to spot vampires. He also knew that fighting two vampires was deadly for anyone except the Slayer. Unfortunately Buffy wasn't with him, and even if he called Buffy now, it would be too late for the woman.

"You can do this, Xander, you have been fighting vamps for three years." He mumbled quietly to himself.

Of course, most of that time he spend being rescued, lying somewhere unconscious, or both. He sighed, knowing that if he actually survived the night, he was definitely going to get yelled at by Buffy tomorrow.

The first vampire was relatively easy. Mostly because it was too preoccupied with its pray. After a short sprint, the momentum helped him stake the bloodsucker in the heart from the back. Out of reflex he closed his mouth just before it went up in dust.

The second vampire wasn't as cooperative. Xander had to use all his skills to keep himself out of its reach. But the growling mutt was relentless. It simply kept coming, and if he didn't do something soon, the vamp would get him. The adrenaline was wearing out. Breathing was becoming hard. It started to dawn on him that this had been a mistake. He shouldn't have tried this on his own.

He had survived in the past, because he kept himself out of trouble, relatively speaking. He usually fled, hid, or pretended he was meek as a lamb. There was always Buffy around to save him, or Giles to help him. No need for heroics. He wasn't very good at heroics anyway.

Pain shot through his chest as he received a punch against his shoulder. Before he could react another punch hit the side of his face. Finally, a kick to the stomach sent him sprawling on his back. The vampire was on him.

Detached he watched the vampire's face moving towards his neck. He heard the girl, he was supposed to be saving, quickly whispering prayers.

{It'll be okay.} A faraway voice and a feeling of comfort washed over him.

At least he would finally be free. There wasn't much left for him in this world anyway. People didn't befriend him. They thought he was weird and tended to steer away. Which left him with Buffy and Giles. He and Buffy got along, they had reestablished some semblance of a relationship, but they didn't spend all that much time together. With everything that had happened in the past, it was too awkward. And Giles, well... he was old.

He closed his eyes, accepting his end. When suddenly the vampire jerked away and started screaming. He opened his eyes, expecting to see a disgruntled Buffy rescuing him. Instead he watched a vampire on fire, screaming like... he was on fire. A long couple of long seconds later all that remained was ashes and a very scared and exhausted looking blonde.

Xander stood up and looked around for any sign of his rescuer. When he saw no-one, he turned back to the damsel in distress. "Was that you?"

"Cause, you know, vampires don't generally incinerate like that. At least, not at this time of the day." He added as he approached the girl. _no, woman_. Her deep eyes were hidden in shadow. The conservative clothes and dark-blonde pigtails added to the illusion that she was very young. But the way she looked at him, just before she lowered her gaze and scrambled further back... it reminded him of Willow. Willow always looked younger too, even though she was older and quite a bit smarter than him.

{Stop. She's afraid.}

Xander did as he was told, but with no small amount of confusion. "Why would she be afraid of me?" He asked. But there was no answer. The voice had grown more quiet over the years. He wasn't sure if it was because she just didn't have much to say, or whether it was simply fading.

He turned back to the woman in question, who was watching him intently. Suddenly he felt a little self-conscious as he realized he must have looked like an idiot talking to himself. He did it all the time, but people generally ignored it. Besides, he didn't really care what people thought of him anymore. Except for scared, pretty blondes.

"Do you want me to leave?" Xander asked.

The words had barely left his mouth when the voice told him{You can't leave her.}

"No, I can't. Sorry." Xander quickly corrected.

"Wh-Who a-are you talking t-to?" The woman stuttered.

"Me of course. Just talking to myself. Cause I'm kinda crazy." He explained and turned away apologetically.

"Tha-that's okay, I-I do that t-to sometimes." She returned and carefully smiled an infectious smile that made his stomach do a little flop.

"Want me to walk you home?" It just flew out of his mouth like they weren't even his own words. There was no reason for him to have uttered them, because who in their right mind would walk home with a strange man in dirty work-clothes, who had a black eye and had just pronounced himself to be clinically insane?

"Okay." she nodded and stuck out her right hand. "Tara."

The gesture surprised him for a moment, so much so that the appropriate reaction had fled his brain. Eventually though, he shook her hand and managed to mumble out his name after a few failed attempts.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Okay, so there it is; the last chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed the story, but I'll settle for it just making sense to you.

Just to clarify, I'm a secret Xander - Tara shipper, it's just hard to find someway to semi-realistically get them together. I mean, I had to kill sweet little Willow, to pull it off.

The sequel is coming soon, somewhere in 2025 by my latest estimates. No seriously, don't wait for a sequel.

End of my ramblings.

Cheers,  
Boyd


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